so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
