Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
