My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the day after is always just damage control
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
