Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
