Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
