I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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