Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
