I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
