There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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