When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
