Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
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Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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