May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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