census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
