I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
