While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
