He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
