Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize