She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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