remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
