pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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