Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
