the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
