You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
