i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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