I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
