went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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