Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
