Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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