dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
