How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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