i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
