My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
