There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
