to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
