Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
