Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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