Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Buhtt sex?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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