did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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