p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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