i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
