I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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