I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
