so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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