I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
