so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You ate ashes out of my bong
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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