Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
