Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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