i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
