Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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