Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
