I wish my penis had an off switch
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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