that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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