At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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