Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
