Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
