I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
