Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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