Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
only you would photoshop your dick
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
