What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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