i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
