i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Randomize
