This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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