Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.