Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.