I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.