my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
