what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
