There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
